(((Reality Buffer))) » (((Th3 AsYLuM))) http://www.realitybuffer.com Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:48:48 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 The Million Man Mob http://www.realitybuffer.com/2009/03/the-million-man-mob/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2009/03/the-million-man-mob/#comments Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:35:59 +0000 Mythew http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=64 I’ve got my pitch fork. I got my torch. Where’s the rest of the mob?
->more to come very soon

]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2009/03/the-million-man-mob/feed/ 0 The Windows Edition Song! http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/10/the-windows-edition-song/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/10/the-windows-edition-song/#comments Wed, 15 Oct 2008 06:53:08 +0000 Mythew http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=38 So there is this article about Windows 7. It goes on at length about the naming process for the Windows line. Then there is the follow up article, that is the explanation for the naming scheme. Now all I can think of is the Animaniacs singing about Windows Versions.

FIIIIIRRRRSSSSST There was Dos,
That Bill Gates bought
really a steal,
or so we though

Then Apple’s “Lisa”
Showed us a mouse
and soon after
Windows one came out

But it was just and overlay
’cause DOS still ran everything anyway.
And so it was with Windows 3
and 3.11 respectively.

Then came Windows 95 and we all thought that to survive
We must upgrade immediately or we’ll be left behind the scene.
And so we all clambered aboard and purchased Windows number 4
Only to find that right behind would be Windows 98.

Nine-teee-eight!
Oh how we thought that that was great.
Windows Nine-teee-Eight!
We thought it was divine!

But there were bugs and Billy thought
Lets march a new release on out
and so “SE” became the norm
with patches flying like a storm.

The internet was the new big thing
and IE 4 had us on a string,
Outlook express kept our email
And everything seemed good and well.

But Bill would not settle for millions and millions
He really wanted trillion billions
so two os’s came the same year,
but with different names.

We watched the trick of ME with surprise
as it crashed and crumbled before our eyes
But 2000 seemed rather stable and stayed alive,
So they called it Windows 5!

Then came XP! “Just a point release” or so they say,
Win-dows EEECKS-PEEEE! Really saved Old Billy’s day.
We’ll make More MonEEYY! If we put two versions out,
One for work and one for Home!

And so this OS ran and ran
everything working according to plan
but the longevity of the silly thing
screwed up Bills releasing scheme
For Another OS to take it’s place
and boost profits into outer space.

So Bill killed XP, he pulled the plug
and rolled out Windows Vista.
No one knew that Windows 6
would go right down the Shitstah!

Now all eyes look forward to going back
to all that vista seemed to lack
And we can Only hope that Windows 7
Is not “MS Bob Centennial Edition!”

]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/10/the-windows-edition-song/feed/ 0 I will not be answering emails today. http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/09/i-will-not-be-answering-emails-today/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/09/i-will-not-be-answering-emails-today/#comments Thu, 11 Sep 2008 06:25:18 +0000 Mythew http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=30 I apologize for any inconvenience but I will be unable to answer any emails today due to the universe being destroyed by the CERN Hadron accelerator. Luckily I do have a back up universe, so I should be back up and running as soon as we restore from tape. Many of you will not notice any changes, however some people will experience short term memory loss from data that was not saved before the CERN accelerator was started. In some extreme cases you may become momentarily caught in a temporal loop but this effect should fade as the back up universe finishes installation. In some extreme cases you may become momentarily caught in a temporal loop but this effect should fade as the back up universe finishes installation. In some extreme cases you may become momentarily caught in a temporal loop but this effect should fade as the back up universe finishes installation. If for any reason you experience a microscopic black hole that persists for more than a nano-nanoth of a second contact either NASA or Mork from Ork to have the problem corrected if you haven’t been crushed to death by the gravity of a thousand suns already. Thank you and have a nice day.
Matt London.
]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/09/i-will-not-be-answering-emails-today/feed/ 0 Quick thought. http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/06/quick-thought/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/06/quick-thought/#comments Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:35:08 +0000 Mythew http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=25 Just a quick thought but, do you think the Sith realize they are the bad guys?  I mean maybe they think they’re saving the galaxy or something and everone else just doesn’t get them?

Just a thought.

ml

]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/06/quick-thought/feed/ 1 Upset for a good reason http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/04/upset-for-a-good-reason/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/04/upset-for-a-good-reason/#comments Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:42:48 +0000 Mythew http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=20 I mean Come ON!  It’s 08 for cripes sake.  We should be long past this sort
 of thing.  I can forgive not having a flying car, I can look past not having
 my own personal jet pack, but the fact that the human race has progressed
 this far and not eliminated Mustard Pee, then to me, it’s all waisted.
 You know what I mean.  You have a sandwich all set, you have crafted a work
 of culinary art, and you upend the mustard bottle for that shining yello
 topper and you get a stream of water that’s come from god only knows!  You
 sandwich is awash inj mustard pee. You watch as the bread gets mush, the
 meat kind of slimy, the lettus weird, and you can almost hear the musicians
 on the deck of the titanic.

 It’s the bain of human existance as far as I’m concerned.

 Mustard Pee.

Damn you Frenches.

 

]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/04/upset-for-a-good-reason/feed/ 0 Campaign Finance from inside the (((Buffer))) http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/04/campaign-finance-from-inside-the-buffer/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/04/campaign-finance-from-inside-the-buffer/#comments Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:21:56 +0000 B-Man http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=19 Okay this is just a quick rant… One of those “idears” that just comes to me out of the blue (usually when I’m on the pot or in the shower) and usually fades into obscurity before I can get someplace to write it down. This time though, my epiphany struck while I was in the buffer. Weird huh? Guess the buffer needs an adjustment.

Here is my idea for “Campaign Finance Reform”. First of all no more government paychecks for those that hold public office. The government will no longer be responsible for maintaining the pleasures and habits of those who are supposed to be performing a “public service”. This means no more perks either. No more state funded private jets, limousines, or security details. If our leaders want things of that nature, then let them pay for it themselves. It’s not like they don’t have the money.

We all know that it takes lots of coin to win an election, and I think that if you can buy an election, you should be able to pay for the upkeep of the office as well. If you can raise millions of dollars to try and win an election, and you have suckers willing to pay it, then use that money to live off of while you are in office as well. I would much rather pay money to keep my candidate of choice working in their office, than to have to pay outrageous taxes to perpetuate the tom-foolery that is what we call government. The best part is, when the officers start paying their own way, then they get a better idea as to what it takes to actually make a living in this great country. While they are at it, why not have them pay taxes as well, since they are now privately funded and not suckling the teat of the taxes cash cow.

]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/04/campaign-finance-from-inside-the-buffer/feed/ 1 TIIIIiiiiIIIIiiiimmmmeeeee, is on your side, http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/01/tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmeeeee-is-on-your-side/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/01/tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmeeeee-is-on-your-side/#comments Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:41:20 +0000 http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=5 Yes it is.
Unless you’re in Prison, Or over 80.
Or the current president.
Or dead.
Or unemployed with twenty dollars to your name.
Or the writer of this article.
Yes it Is!
These are the word that have been written over and over again on the wall of my cell with a soft lead pencil so that while reading it and you get to a smugged word you think could possibly a different word that might break off into a different, cosmos changing train of thought that could bring enlightenment to the whole of man kind, but it turns out just to me president, or twenty, and you’re forced to keep reading even thought you can’t remember where you stated and you’re pretty sure you’ve already read this wall, but just in case you better go over it.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Did I welcome you back to the Asylum yet?
Welcome then.

Communism has a lot going for it. For one thing it doesn’t have Governor Gramcracker or Mayor Kumquat Killpatrick. I can’t stand either of them. Really. I just can’t. I’m fed up with them about as much as I am Paris Hilton. And you do NOT want to know how fed up I am with Paris Hilton.
It’s been a week full of news and press conferences and that’s really made the inmates with tv time in the common room really grouchy. Really. It started with the President and the state of the union address. Considering he’s not coming back, I would have hoped that G.W would have shown a bit more flair and, for example, gotten the writers from Saturday Night Live to write the speech. It could have been a political Roast or titanic proportions. Instead it was just more of the same drivel. He did through a bit of a change up and admitted that the nations economy isn’t parallel to dimension that his Texas ranch is in.
We can’t mess with Texas, His Texas doesn’t exist in the same space time continuum as us. I’d like to go to that Texas sometime, where the oil rigs are made out of pipe cleaners and gush chocolate syrup. Where the longhorn cattle are made of marshmallow and you can carry a gun and shoot people dead in the street because they bleed strawberry quick.
Must be somewhere near Governor Gramcracker’s Michigan.
Hey Gov, get a clue. I’ll give you two because they’re small.
If you stop the companies that already here from hemoraging their jobs overseas, you won’t have to travel the globe asking everyone and their asian brother to bring their business to Michigan. Pretty Please. With Tax incentives on top.
If you really want to balance the state budget, cut every government employee that makes $50 grand salaries and over and cut their pay in half. Personally I think they should all be knocked down to minimum wage for at leasts one year of their time in office, and then thrown in prison after.

And now lets really break down a wall and I’ll let you know exactly what I think of Mayor KK and his city of Detroit. He should be branded on the for head with the name Carnegie, chained to the front of the “Fist of Joe Lewis” and used as a battering ram to knock the the place down. The city should be burned to the ground, the ground sewn with salt, and left for the wilderness to reclaim for the next thousand years. Maybe that way we can get rid o the black hole that drags down and utterly obliterates everything about this state that could be good. You have no idea how many times I’ve heard a conversation about Michigan ended with “But there is Detroit.”
“The lakes are beautiful, Mackinac is great, but there is Detroit.”
The Gov goes on and on about tourism, but as long as Detroit exist weighing down on the state like a lead weight on a rubber sheet, then nothing good will ever come of us.
Vaporize the city of Detroit, and like a Phoenix, create something good from the ashes.
Then move on and do the same thing in Washington, Washington DC, New York, California …

]]> http://www.realitybuffer.com/2008/01/tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmeeeee-is-on-your-side/feed/ 0 Caution! Filling may be HOT! http://www.realitybuffer.com/2007/12/caution-filling-may-be-hot/ http://www.realitybuffer.com/2007/12/caution-filling-may-be-hot/#comments Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:53:13 +0000 B-Man http://www.realitybuffer.com/?p=4 !WARNING! The following will insult everyone in the known universe. The views of the author are those of deranged mad man and should not reflect the views of the owner of this website. So sod off you politically correct little whiny babies. I make Rush Limbaugh look like a kindergarten teacher with the added bonus that I don’t bow to any political party. Nothing is sacred, everything is fair game and, frankly, I don’t care what you think so don’t bother writing a scathing rebuttal because I’m not going to read it and it’ll only go to show you take things to seriously. I’m Crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y. With a capital Cray.

All Right you pestilent son’s of dishes, I’ve mugged an orderly and swiped his uniform and my delusions of grandeur are running in high gear. I’m in charge of this article. I Am the Boss of You. I do, as a Matter of Fact, Own the road, and you, you stinking bit of slime, are back, after only Ten Years, in the Asylum.

It’s a new year. A time for Resolutions, restitution, rebellion, reincarnation, regurgitation, retribution, retro rockets, retro fashions, fashion faux-paus, mental-pause, cat paws, catastrophic hardware failure, and much to the surprise of the owner of this website, I’ve decided that one of my resolutions will be to complete a diatribe for this public forum each month for an entire year. I’ve also resolved to loose a pound a day for the next 365 days and since I don’t weigh 365 pounds it means by this time next year I will have disappeared completely. I’m taking the success of my last years resolution of not eating alkaline batteries as a sign of success in the year to come.

Where to start, where to start?

The state of the nation as we know it? That sound good.

We’re in deep trouble. How do I know? The United States of America now, officially, is worth less than Canada. The Canadian dollar is worth more than the US dollar. The US economy is a shambles. The only person that does not seem to know this is George W. Every press conference, every address to the nation, he insists that the US economy is strong. It’s not. Evidence? Michigan. The main manufacturing center for this nation since the ship building era is crumbling like Christmas cookies. And the Sub-Prime mortgage fiasco can not be blamed for it because this chain of domino’s has been falling long before the lending institutions went nutsoid.

The Prez has become a little detached form reality if you ask me. And I aught to know. I’m so detached from reality metaphysically I appear to be a helium balloon on a very long string, but even I can see what’s going on. He, and all other politicians have been brow beaten by the politically correct cry babies that sit and needle every little decision and find fault with every little thing until no one wants to take any action because it will upset someone.

In the upcoming election, the man that decides to throw caution to the wind and do what needs to be done without worrying about public opinion will be the man that gets my vote.

If Hurricane Katrina had happened during the administration of FDR, new Orleans would have been rebuilt twice over by now. If it would have happened during the reign of Ronald Regan, a year would not have passed with out the place being resurrected. These men would have seen it simply as something that needed to be done and gotten the Army core of engineers on site faster than I could sing the national anthem. It would not have been a political decision, it would have been something that needed to be done to keep the nation on top of it’s game.

“But Mr. Crazy Person, the political climate has changed so much, what you suggesting is not only impossible it’s offensive.”

I have yet to begin to offend dear reader. As future articles will prove, I have only just begun to fright.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s fruit Jello-Day in the cafeteria.

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